Monday, May 05, 2008

wet peace

I can't quite describe the beauty of tears.

They're really hard for me - they don't come easily anymore... I pray for them to come, because indeed there are things in this life that deserve them - heartache and joy exist. I pray for them to come because they mean accepting weakness, loss of control and need - most of the time, I'd rather consider myself self-sufficient. I mock God in thinking I can go it alone.

Today, they came. Out of frustration with myself, with people, with circumstance, with my inability to understand infinite things - to even understand finite things for that matter. Out of repentence, because frustration has made me bitter and angry. Out of wanting to be known and know myself. Out of surrender, because I'm tired of fighting and I don't know where to go from here...

and then, peace - nothing and no one around me has changed, but it's about time that I let myself be changed.