Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Lord of the ... Heart

Little things matter big to us.

For some of my patient's, their deepest sufferings come not from their diseases but from the missing of a favorite item, a smile from a familiar face. Our deepest delights can come in the form of tiny newborns, admiring the purposed tasks of industrious insects, a hand squeeze or the briefest gaze as a tiny reminder of love.

This week, the time came to put away a favorite, precious token that I have had for five years. To be honest, I never considered that ever happening... but, as God has repeated to me over and over, He is doing a new thing.

The token always reminded me of my commitments - tiny in the span of time and verbage it took to declare them. The bigger things it represented - the commitments haven't changed in the least, but my relationship to that representative token has.

It represented my fear as much as my commitment; I felt that if I didn't have it near me, that I would sabbotage my commitment and God's will. More and more, I realize that it represented a distrust of myself and worse still, a deep distrust of my Love, my God.

Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.

Song of Solomon 8:6

The heart, innately beats for the purposes of living. If the heart does not function as it should, correction is necessary - but the heart, being a heart, seeks only to do what it is made for: beating, pumping, sustaining.

Likewise, we exist, purposefully - and yes, we are in need of discipline and correction - but we are also wonderful, beautiful, dignified, entrusted with our humanity. Created that way and created to live knowing that. Trusting that.