Sunday, June 07, 2009

Dying to be Saved

Well, seeing that it's the 7th of June, 2009 I think that I should maybe make an effort at a post here.
I was listening through some music from this past school year in an evening of post-graduation-reflecting-on-the-seasons-of-life-and-wondering-at-what-on-earth-the-future-will-hold-because-God-sure-shocked-me-consistently-through-the-last-five-years.
I came across a song that Melodie and I wrote together. I'd like to share it. It is called, Dying to be Saved.
This song, is for hearts, for bodies, for minds that are tired, hurt, and those just totally laid to waste by circumstances that are way bigger than themselves, trying to find their bearings. It is for hearts that, like mine, ache for what they hope for. What is ultimately found, in fullness, in Jesus Christ.
Near the end of my hoping that life could ever change from how it was, I was “dying to be saved” from uncontrollable circumsances that were utterly consuming life. It is also a simple proclamation, “dying to be saved” – that we are crucified with Christ that we may be raised in His life.

Dying to be Saved
Heather Elliott, 2008
Verse 1
When did I end up wasted?
How did I get so low?
This life is not how I would have made it
Maybe that was always the point
I’m dying to be saved
I’m dying to be saved from me
I am circumstance,
This body is my world
I’m dying to be saved
I’m dying to be saved
Verse 2:
I try to trust that it will be okay
But I’ve fallen into every hole
I carry on faking that I’m brave
A smile masks the weakness I only know
Chorus repeat
Where’s this hope that I’d hoped for?
Is there an end to this hurt?
Is there really a reason -
Because I can’t see out of ‘me’.
Verse 3:
I thought that life would always be happy,
But now I know we live in pain.
The way down has been long and heavy
But the view from the bottom up makes me free
Chorus repeat

The circumstances that allowed this song to come have since passed - horrible things, yet starting to heal in a beautiful way that is the work of the finest Hands.
He does, if I let Him.
My consistent pattern is to hold out with stubborn grasps at controlling my circumstances (like try global climate change: that was February's big passionate struggle; or trying to act like everything is fine when you've just dislocated your shoulder the day before your final hospital practicum: that was March) until I crumple into odd defeat that takes Him weeks, months, even years to gently piece me back together from.
Yes, friend, I am a very prideful woman.
Sometimes, I hold Him at arm's-length because He is overwhelming; and then, so too seems the restoration process.
And sometimes, He tucks me in the crevice of a rock like He did with Moses, letting me only get a glimpse of the backside of His glory (which .....there aren't even words) because I'm not prepared to behold it right now.
I just graduated from university a little over a month ago. In the time that has passed since that wonderful celebration, I have been learning still that I am 'dying to be saved' from so many things that make the world around me feel stiffling with impossible demands and the future seem overwhelming in it's enormity. I'm a nurse now; and the responsibility of it nearly crushes me.
But, there is hope. Because the death of my tiny perspectives, tiny dreams, tiny imagination, and tiny courage means that the Infinite, Intimate God that I ravenously love, tells again His story of redemption. The one He always loves to tell and I've come to realize, is honestly always telling.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

Oh how I miss you. I was thinking of you yesterday and how you're one of my few best friends who's actually known me since I was a kid. :) Thanks for sharing your song with me, love.