Saturday, April 24, 2010

due to be.

Admittedly sometimes doing becomes an idol for me.
You might get a sense from the title of this blog, that the ‘personal effort’ portion of faith is incredibly fundamental to my walk with Christ. After 17 years of figuring I was the epitome of what was known as 'Christian' - by nature of a generally good disposition, mostly moral living and an extra ‘t’ on my last name (a potential indicator of the faith of my ancestors), I came face to face with God, my Creator. I know this moment as a realization of my place, which thrust me to my knees - humbled by the knowledge that if we are to be identified as Christians (followers of Christ), the subsequent requirement is live likewise.
Christ gives real opportunity to follow Him. In response we have the choice – to throw off old ambitions and go after Him, to search hard, seek hard, live through the hard should we be called. There has been a lot of throwing off in the past 6 years – a lot of following Him to who knows where, and learning to trust when things honestly look bleak. For the majority of my Christian walk, through the rough we’ve gone. Yet that, the struggle, began to define me – not God.
So, it was an utter surprise to me when about a year ago He made me aware of another work to be done, being. This phase has been equally, and differently challenging – I am learning to be content in His abundance, to rest, to enjoy, to be clothed in Christ. I needed time to become firmly supplanted in Him before I could be ready for this work, because before I would have taken them for granted. Now His call turns me toward His promise; I am taking my first shaking, uncoordinate steps. I am in a new way realizing the Greatness of His work; one that requires, simultaneously, a more dependent and independent discipline of myself toward this Amazing Love.
I have a task-oriented personality, and there is great satisfaction when I can complete tasks in a timely, neat and efficient manner. This is a good thing for a nurse (and it keeps my homework done and apartment clean!). Professionally, learning to be has lead me into a transition from doing nursing to being a nurse: nursing work takes on deeper meaning as focus shifts from seeking external approval of competence, to trusting in being the nurse I was called to be.
I’ve been filled with such mixture of delightful surprise and sober conviction as I see with fresh eyes His startling beauty – unchecked doing can blind us from realizing the fullness of Him, in circumstance, in places, in ourselves, and in others. I also have discovered, and occasionally act upon, a previously repressed urge to break out dancing in joy of Him … eee!
Praying with you: that we be placed in the lap of the only One worthy of a throne, and delight in the works He has given us to do.

1 comment:

Marlene Hutchins said...

Thank you for sharing...