I came home from work on Saturday night, knowing death was near. Of course, right - I work in Palliative care.
But, in other ways, I've been oppressed by it since I took the step to move to the city and into the life He's called me to.
The next thing I know, I am wailing - beyond even my own comprehension of what I was crying about - wasted out for the next few hours, and some moments it was difficult to breathe.
Briefly, I thought, 'Oo, perhaps I need some help here...', yet the Lord's firm peace presided over His tiny child breaking on the floor. Speaking His gentle Word over my exhausted mind and heart and body.
He is always near. Even though I'm sure the situation appeared a mess, He taught me to say, "Lord" in that moment.
We are in a state of great need - new things often make us aware of that; old things remind us of that too. It can be so tempting to take upon ourselves the task of filling - with rules and things; making idols of them.
It has been months of waiting for Him - when you live alone, there is little to distract you from the posture of waiting (yes...thank God). I don't know why that night, at that hour, while still in my scrubs, sobbing on the floor that His Spirit descended to testify to His Lordship. I was near beside myself in happiness when I realized, a few hours later arriving at Sunday service, that this week was the Sunday celebrating Pentecost. Very cool.
This is the truth: that He moves, that He comes down, that He descends to us who are earth, that He ministers in and among us, that He ascends our hearts as thrones bringing about His Shalom.
And with great thanksgiving:
- we need and receive.