- Jer. 29:11b
I used to be pretty "plan" oriented until I became a Christian.
Through a series of painful experiences, I came to the conclusion that it was best to go with the flow, because God would work at random and intervene. Believe me, He has done some incredible things - praise to Him, but my means of interpreting those things was imperfect.
I began to work under the principle that I should make no plans.
I became this passive player in His grander scheme - convinced that my created mind, so flawed, would plan nothing good toward His ultimate will.
I trusted nothing of my own doing - for my own initiatives, however well-intentioned and clear conscienced, had met pain and seeming failure. I would trust only that which was inexplicably Divine revelation - that would be infalliable. A principle born of hurt and fear; not of God.
Means that I began to feel incredibly vulnerable before my God - harassed and ravaged by Him in the winds of life, rather than comforted and protected.
Means that I honoured that priniciple more than my God in my misunderstanding.
Means that I got hurt.
Means that I felt frustrated and impotent in the life He'd given me.
Means that my capacity to trust myself and the truth of Christ in me atrophied significantly.
It's been a continuous process of learning the balance of acknowledging 'Lord' and the freewill He has created us to act out within the confines of our createdness.
I find the plans He has for me are written still within, weather-worn and Heather-torn as I've fumbled through this season of fumbling.
You cannot erase the name He's written for you in His hand - a word calling you Beloved and dignified and worthy, for His sacrifice makes it so.
Today, I am thankful:
- in focus and fuzzy.
- for fresh eyes for treasured things.
- for dealing light to dark.
- for this city.
- for His daily renewal and indwelling.
- for new drafting pencils :).
- for the inner voice of love, and time with H.N.